


let me be your killer king

by blackkat



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [127]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Humor, M/M, Meddling Friends, Rescue Missions, Team as Family, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 05:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15988319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: “Why do you have asword?” Iruka demands, several notches louder than he intends.The man blinks, pulls back faintly, and then laughs.Considering how Iruka was kind of expecting to getbeheaded, that’s—unexpected.





	let me be your killer king

**Author's Note:**

> An AU of my criminals do it better 'verse where Obito never met Kakashi.

“I can’t believe you’re mobilizing an anti-arms-trafficking taskforce to rescue your kidnapped cousin,” Obito says judgmentally.

Rin ignores him regally. “Comms check,” she says breezily. “One, two, three, one two three—”

“Loud and clear, Queen,” Konan says, amused. “And it’s hardly the _whole_ taskforce.”

“Just the reasonable half of it,” Kakuzu agrees dryly, and tosses Obito a sheathed knife. “Comms working. Tobi, don’t lose that, I paid good money for it.”

Mood instantly brightening, Obito pulls it from its sheath. “Is this technically a long knife or a short sword? Asking for science,” he asks, admiring the blue ripples in the steel. “And yeah, I can hear you, Queen. Unfortunately.”

“Just for that you get to check the basement,” Rin says, as sweet as sugar.

“I didn’t ask,” Kakuzu says, pushing to his feet as he checks his own knives. “But you're not getting any more, the bastard tried to overcharge me.”

Rin, in the middle of buckling her holster, looks up with an exasperated expression. “ _Zombie_.”

“He’s not _dead_ ,” Kakuzu retorts. “Mostly.”

Seeing Rin turn her _this is your team, you picked them, you deal with them_ look on him, Obito raises his hands. It’s probably less effective with the knife-sword in his grip, but he’s not about to put it down. It’s a nice blade. “If he was trying to stiff Zombie, he got what was coming to him,” he says. “And you heard him, the guy’s not actually dead.”

“Angel—” Rin starts.

Konan just shrugs. “What Tobi said,” she says. “Tobi, you still have my scope?”

Obito fishes the case out of his pocket and tosses it to her. “Lighten up, Queen of Hearts,” he tells Rin. “Don’t we have a cousin of yours to save? Note that we’re not asking how you got authorization for all of this.”

“Or where exactly you sent the rest of the team for cover,” Kakuzu adds dryly.

Rin tries for an offended expression, fails, and settles on indignant. “I don’t know what you're implying—”

“Because it was _definitely_ an accident that you left out all the loudest and flashiest members of our squad,” Konan says, desert-dry, and slings her sniper rifle over one shoulder. “Tobi, I'm headed up. I’ll let you know when the guards are down.”

“Let Zombie know,” Obito retorts. “I'm not waiting.” Ignoring the way Konan rolls her eyes, he slings the long knife over his shoulder, then asks Rin, “Description of this cousin? Does he look like you?”

Rin pulls a longsuffering face, like she has any right to it at all. “He’s my third cousin, and a plainclothes detective. Shoulder-length brown hair, scar across the bridge of his nose, about an inch taller than you, will probably start yelling as soon as he’s physically able to.”

“Yeah, he sounds like you,” Obito says dryly, and Rin smacks him on the shoulder. He gives her a smirk, then ducks out the rear door of the van, not bothering to hide his presence. Taps the long knife against his shoulder, whistles as he crosses the quiet street towards Gato’s house, and wonders if these assholes will even make him break a sweat.

 

Iruka takes out the intruder with a folding chair to the face.

It is, admittedly, not nearly as hard a blow as it could be, but his vision is swimming a little and his ankle aches and he’s so very, very done with every last bit of this case. Gato has someone on the inside, and they grabbed Iruka out of the parking garage to make Kakashi drop the investigation, and Iruka’s been sitting alone in a dark room for two _days_ now.

He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t even _think_ about hesitating. The door creaks open, and in an instant he’s up off the ground and swinging the metal chair with as much force as he can muster.

It hits with a ringing crash, a cry, and the man goes down. Iruka has half a second to think it worked before the man _twists_ , and in a movement Iruka’s only seen in gymnasts he flips back to his feet. A god damned _sword_ lashes up and out, blade shining in the low light of the room, and Iruka recoils with a cry, slamming into the wall. He’s absolutely _sure_ he’s about to die, that one of Gato’s men has lost it, and Gato already has one dangerous mercenary working for him that Iruka managed to piss off, what’s one more—

The blade stops an inch from his throat, and the man pauses. He’s heavily scarred, wearing an eyepatch and dressed in what almost looks like a SWAT uniform, but sleeker. There's also no hostility on his face, none of the rage Iruka would expect, just surprise. He meets the stranger’s eye, suddenly unsure, and swallows.

“Why do you have a _sword_?” he demands, several notches louder than he intends.

The man blinks, pulls back faintly, and then _laughs_.

Considering how Iruka was kind of expecting to get _beheaded_ , that’s—unexpected.

Shaking his head, the stranger reaches up, touching the earpiece he’s wearing, and says, “Queen of Hearts, it’s Tobi. He’s _definitely_ your relative. Are you sure you're not twins?”

Iruka can't hear the response, but whatever it is, it makes Tobi snort. “He clocked me in the face with a folding chair. Yeah, yeah. I seem to remember someone else doing something similar.” A pause, and he rolls his eye. “Fuck off, I'm bringing him up. Angel, can you cover the side door? Thanks.”

“ _What_?” Iruka demands, thoroughly confused now. “Who are you talking to? What’s going on?”

Tobi gives him a smile that’s a hell of a lot brighter than his vaguely intimidating appearance would hint at. “I work with Rin Nohara,” he says. “We’re here to rescue you from Gato, Detective. Though I guess you were already getting to that yourself.”

If he thinks so, Iruka isn't about to correct his impression. He has to restrain a wince at the bright red mark spreading over the side of Tobi’s face, because that’s going to be a hell of a bruise, and the fact that he beat someone trying to _rescue_ him is something Kakashi is never going to let him live down.

“Rin sent you?” he asks, vaguely suspicious. “But—she’s just an _analyst_.”

For a moment the expression on Tobi’s face is blank bewilderment. “Analyst,” he repeats. “ _Rin_.”

Before Iruka can even _begin_ to process that, though, there's a clatter on the stairs outside the basement room. Instantly, Tobi spins, ducks down, and comes up with the chair Iruka hit him with. He chucks it at a man coming in, goes low, and slams an elbow into his gut, whirling past a punch to bash the hilt of his knife into the man’s temple. The man crumples, and Tobi taps his earpiece again, hisses, “Zombie, I thought you were guarding the stairs! What? No, that’s not a good excuse!”

This is definitely not any sort of tactical team Iruka has ever encountered before, and he’s not quite sure what to do with that.

With a groan, Tobi re-sheathes his sword, then hurries back to Iruka’s side and slides under his arm, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Come on,” he says, “we need to get out of here. Gato’s probably on his way by now.”

Iruka grits his teeth, but gamely limps forward, trying not to put any weight on his bad ankle. “I'm going to send Gato to jail for _life_ ,” he mutters. “Maximum security. _Ow_.”

“Sorry, forgot to warn you,” Tobi says apologetically, and his grip tightens for an instant before he lifts Iruka right off his feet, lifting him over another unconscious body sprawled at the foot of the stairs. Iruka yelps, grabbing onto his shoulder, and he can _vividly_ feel bunching muscles and easy strength as Tobi sets him down on the first step.

 _Oh_ , he thinks, loud even in his own head, because that was—that was sweet. Tobi could have left Iruka to hobble over the unconscious guard by himself, but—he’s careful. Iruka hadn’t quite expected that, given first impressions.

“That’s okay,” he says, a little strangled. “I—you're sure it’s Rin without sent you?”

“It’s Rin who was searching the upper floors for you,” Tobi says, a little dry. “If you’ve got questions, though, save them for her. I didn’t even know she _had_ a cousin before today.”

“Third cousin,” Iruka corrects automatically, then winces. “Sorry, you probably know that already if you got my file—”

Tobi scoffs. “None of us got your file,” he says. “Rin told us you'd been kidnapped, but that’s about the extent of it.”

That’s a lot of loyalty, Iruka thinks, to suit up and head into a dangerous situation with nothing to go on. They must trust Rin immensely, and she must trust them in return. It’s a little bewildering, because Iruka’s spent the last ten years convinced Rin was fairly low-level and generally confined to an office, but this isn't the kind of faith that comes from distant direction.

“Thank you,” he tells Tobi, and means for more than just the rescue. If Tobi and his team have been watching Rin's back, he owes them all one.

Tobi blinks, and a moment later his ears redden. “You're welcome,” he says, looking away, towards the top of the stairs. “Zombie?” he calls.

A dark-skinned man with long black hair leans around the edge of the door, mouth curling in amusement when he catches sight of them. “No princess carry?” he asks, tone completely serious.

Tobi flips him off. “Did you actually do your job this time? We need a clear path to the door.”

Zombie waves an impatient hand and turns away, calling over his shoulder, “It’s clear, and Queen’s on her way down. We’re just waiting for you.”

Muttering something uncomplimentary under his breath, Tobi helps Iruka limp after Zombie. He’s only frowning a little, though, and it looks more like concentration than anything. “Angel?” he asks, pauses, snorts. “Shut up, Pein is the _reason_ I haven’t had a date in months. He doesn’t get to complain about me being uptight. Oh, fuck off.”

There's laughter, low and husky, not over Tobi's earpiece but from the open door ahead of them. A beautiful woman with blue hair leans in, letting Zombie slip past her, and smirks at Tobi. “Should I tell him you said that?” she challenges.

Tobi pulls a face. “Please don’t. He only just stopped looking guilty and torn, and I’d rather not suffer through that phase again.”

Angel tips one shoulder in a shrug. “It would make him stop whining,” she says, and holds the doors open for them. “Gato is six blocks away, but there's a fight happening in the middle of the street, so traffic is stopped.”

“A fight?” Iruka asks, eying her. That’s awfully convenient timing.

Angel just gives him a languid smile. “A fight,” she agrees.

“Don’t ask,” Tobi advises. “You probably don’t want to know.”

Iruka can see that, so he shuts his mouth and focuses on getting down the stairs. There's a blue panel van parked by the curb, bearing the name of a security company, and as they approach the door slides open. Rin leans out, grinning brightly at Iruka even as her eyes do a careful sweep of his body, checking for wounds. “Iruka!” she says. “I'm glad you're in one piece.”

“I'm glad to _be_ in one piece,” Iruka answers, smiling back.

She laughs, reaches out, and when Iruka takes her hand she helps haul him up into the van. “And you even got a Tobi rescue,” she teases. “They're always dramatic. I’d feel like a princess after them, but usually he gets in over his head halfway out and I have to rescue him back.”

“Slander,” Tobi says, but he and Angel follow Iruka in, while Zombie takes the passenger seat. Rin slides into the driver’s seat, then starts the engine, and Tobi hooks a hand through one of the straps on the wall and helps Iruka lower himself to the bare floor.

“Good?” he asks.

“Much better,” Iruka says in relief, and offers him a smile as he stretches his bad leg out in front of him.

Tobi's cheeks flush, and he drops his gaze, throwing himself to the floor next to Iruka without looking at him. “Good,” he says brusquely, but Iruka can't quite look away from the angle of his cheekbones, can't forget the firmness of his grip.

Across from them, Angel snorts. “His name is Obito,” she tells Iruka, and those golden eyes are full of unholy amusement. “He likes organic fair trade coffee, and he’s free on Saturday.”

 _Oh_ , Iruka thinks, and he can feel his cheeks getting hot. Was he that obvious? Or is Konan just observant?

“ _Konan_ ,” Obito protests, halfway rising like he’s going to lunge at her, but Konan just smirks at him, hooks a foot under his ankle, and jerks his foot out from underneath him so he tumbles back into the wall. Obito hisses a curse at her, but doesn’t try it again, settling down in his seat and very pointedly not looking at Iruka.

“Fair trade is always good,” Iruka says, maybe a little squeaky. He clears his throat, and says, “There's—there's a café by my apartment. Saturday?”

“Ten,” Rin chimes in from the front. “He’ll be there.”

“Rin!” Obito buries his face in his hands, but his ears are dark red and getting darker, so Iruka doesn’t think it’s _too_ serious a protest. Still, Iruka taps a finger against Obito's thigh, and when one eye glances up at him warily he offers an apologetic smile.

“It doesn’t have to be a date,” he says. “Just—an apology for the chair thing.”

“It _could_ be a date, though!” Rin offers, and Obito groans loudly at her. Iruka laughs, not quite able to help himself, and when Obito glances up at him with a small smile, it feels like his heart turns sideways in his chest.


End file.
